Numerous false assurances, repeated excuses and a bandwagon full of void…
This is how the life has taken its course ever since a much perceived “achievement” held sway dated 2 years back - The only significant of its sorts in an utterly insignificant escapade spanning 3 decades…. The clichés dismissed as clichés kept coming back to haunt every rare time the mirror’s encountered. The fervour of writing/blogging remained a mere allusion to that much grandeur illusion…
There was a pledge taken after 11/26... Still in it’s nascent state. Always wondering, introspecting as to define in its righteous way the ‘definition’ of righteousness. I thought, deep within, there exists a singular thread called ‘virtue’ and an equally contrasting one called ‘vice’ - all across the reigns of this Universe - That we can easily be dismissive of something along these very lines. Post 11/26 thought I had much to sermon/ambush/pity based on this ideology. But not sure where the thought process was heading a year along.
I decided to pursue my unfinished pledge after I garnered a little stability in the tumultuous ideological front; which apparently seemed post the ‘Fight Club’ renaissance! (yes m talking about the flick/the book). An outrageous, unorthodox and unusually abstract journey - into the very fundamentals of our ‘intelligent’ self. The phenomenon made me discover the synonymous travails within all of us, and this helped me draw an engrossing line covering the subject matter.
So what really is the subject matter? Terrorism? Not quite... The things that have intrigued me from my childhood days include: a practically ’past portraying’ star studded night’s sky, extra terrestrial life forms, astronomy in its most cryptic terms and an utterly irrelevant celebration I was laid witness to in the early nineties. It was, courtesy the WC victory to Pakistan, 92, coming out of my neighboring Muslim suburbs. To the astonishment beyond my very limited wisdom then, the early tenets of ‘righteousness’ prompted me to explore the intricacies of it. I kept wondering why a section of people should celebrate a nation with whom we’ve fought three wars. Shouldn’t we all be bragging with innate revulsions? ‘The project mayhem’ had set off…!!! The saffron ideology started to make sense and at one point even its association seemed a contemplation. With time there were more unruly celebrations and subsequent acknowledgements towards Babri like demolitions became a norm. However with growing senses and with the upsurge of ‘liberal’, ‘moderate’ exposure, there developed a contrasting creed. The all knowing secular brigade, ‘we the people’, the documentaries made their way in. I started to convince myself into a big bang theory of all communal disharmonies – a theory where the religion preaching lots across the terrains are crucified. It’s an easy job after all... blame on and everything fits so perfectly – be it the ‘definition’ or be it the purpose of our living hood…
“How much can we know about ourselves if we’ve never been in a fight?”
The surreal extravaganza within, now tended to juxtapose every single piece bound thus far. Began my sabbatical, an endless hiatus… Now the rationale seems absurdly irrational. The morals, ethics, virtues and vices – all a dreaded conundrum. Theory of communalism, terrorism: subject of sheer irrelevance. Endless 11/26 like massacres: handiwork of misleading minds or just reverberations of a justified prejudice? A temple movement: plain political/religious gimmick or genuine legacy undone? Choosing good from bad: what’s that?
I see indeed a Babar destroying a revered Hindu temple years ago and I endorse the upheaval in order to reinstate it; I see indeed the indifferences meted out to Muslims and hence the avocations of jihad and I endorse this way of avenging the barbaric colonialism; I see indeed the just facets of religious, cultural and social alienation and I endorse all those insurgencies; I see indeed the urge of a ‘Final Solution’ kind spontaneous homicides for the ‘traitors’ and I endorse Modi whole heartedly; “I feel like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species; let me breathe smoke; I feel like destroying something beautiful!”
Mayhem prevails… the fight is beyond just the ‘club’… we are trying pathetically to bind the pieces still… well let’s do that. Nobody preaches the gospel… well what is a gospel at the first place? “But that’s us, we could be wrong… May be it’s a terrible tragedy.”
