It’s an ever engrossing read.. Running errands for each other in this battle of survival. At times depressing; at times content; at times heavenly. There’s no clue to the prologue or any idea about the epilogue. And in the midst of these tumultuous pages, there lies the vignette - of the most beautiful essence we all craving for..
An adaptation of the evergreen ‘summer of 69’- our way!
Click below for the direct utube watch (lyrics included):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnRTKIuOtMQ
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Into the Dark and Beyond
"It’s yet another wintry December night… With the same quaint town plunging into its quintessential silence; with the same quirky sounds lingering around the little old pond; and with the exact same moments where even time tends to lend a pause…
It’s dark outside. But a lone neon light hangs over the balcony with just as much luminosity as for us to set out for our yet another juvenile ‘one-drop-catch’ cricket spree. How we wish the wind over the trees could survive all odds and hold on its fervour of joy over each passing winter of our lives. Our game kicks off fine. But then the ball goes a bit too far; past the gate, beyond the mere vicinity of our playground… It’s not clear where it is as the only thing conspicuous is ‘Vivid Darkness’ out and beyond the gate. You concede to take up the onus of bringing it back, considering my lack of nerves for the night, or rather for the dark! So, I guess, there is no conflict. You take the charge. Alone… Across the gate… Into the dark and beyond…
And I decide to wait; wait until you head back. But it’s taking long. I can’t see you across. Nor do I discern the harbinger. I don’t even know if you are around. However I decide against a call for an alert to the others. And thus choose to only stand and hope that you would come out eventually. So I wait. The only neon light standing is now gone too. The darkness pervades everywhere. I look up to the sky; it’s even murkier; and I wonder, “Why the hell there’s no star, no moon tonight?” This adds up to the whole labyrinth of agony, being stoked up with every passing second of the wait. But hang on… This outright darkness is now perhaps making it possible to visualize certain things. A vague shadow seems to be floating out near the gate. I am pretty sure it’s you. Perhaps you’d cross the gate now as it’s been really late. But you stand around. I guess I see you smile. I strive to reach out to you; cry out your name in a voice that, I wish, could ride through the silent nemesis of our abstract subsistence; hold your hand tight so that you walk up the gate fine. But the devils won’t let it be- strangling every bit of my effort to despondency. You still stand and smile. Perhaps you are simply playing around; or perhaps the gate is just too unassailable from the other side…"
The wait is on. Dawn raided that night and many more thereafter. But still the chill of the wintry night remains. People say you’re never gonna cross the gate again. I ought to cave in and get along with this popular belief… I wish I could actually…But the traces of that night are not quite prepared to vanish, as yet, not until the gate is crossed- doesn’t matter which side it is from…
For my brother in peace…
Runjhun
Aug, 1983 – Sep, 2006
It’s dark outside. But a lone neon light hangs over the balcony with just as much luminosity as for us to set out for our yet another juvenile ‘one-drop-catch’ cricket spree. How we wish the wind over the trees could survive all odds and hold on its fervour of joy over each passing winter of our lives. Our game kicks off fine. But then the ball goes a bit too far; past the gate, beyond the mere vicinity of our playground… It’s not clear where it is as the only thing conspicuous is ‘Vivid Darkness’ out and beyond the gate. You concede to take up the onus of bringing it back, considering my lack of nerves for the night, or rather for the dark! So, I guess, there is no conflict. You take the charge. Alone… Across the gate… Into the dark and beyond…
And I decide to wait; wait until you head back. But it’s taking long. I can’t see you across. Nor do I discern the harbinger. I don’t even know if you are around. However I decide against a call for an alert to the others. And thus choose to only stand and hope that you would come out eventually. So I wait. The only neon light standing is now gone too. The darkness pervades everywhere. I look up to the sky; it’s even murkier; and I wonder, “Why the hell there’s no star, no moon tonight?” This adds up to the whole labyrinth of agony, being stoked up with every passing second of the wait. But hang on… This outright darkness is now perhaps making it possible to visualize certain things. A vague shadow seems to be floating out near the gate. I am pretty sure it’s you. Perhaps you’d cross the gate now as it’s been really late. But you stand around. I guess I see you smile. I strive to reach out to you; cry out your name in a voice that, I wish, could ride through the silent nemesis of our abstract subsistence; hold your hand tight so that you walk up the gate fine. But the devils won’t let it be- strangling every bit of my effort to despondency. You still stand and smile. Perhaps you are simply playing around; or perhaps the gate is just too unassailable from the other side…"
The wait is on. Dawn raided that night and many more thereafter. But still the chill of the wintry night remains. People say you’re never gonna cross the gate again. I ought to cave in and get along with this popular belief… I wish I could actually…But the traces of that night are not quite prepared to vanish, as yet, not until the gate is crossed- doesn’t matter which side it is from…
For my brother in peace…
Runjhun
Aug, 1983 – Sep, 2006
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
26/11 - how I ended up fighting... within!
Numerous false assurances, repeated excuses and a bandwagon full of void…
This is how the life has taken its course ever since a much perceived “achievement” held sway dated 2 years back - The only significant of its sorts in an utterly insignificant escapade spanning 3 decades…. The clichés dismissed as clichés kept coming back to haunt every rare time the mirror’s encountered. The fervour of writing/blogging remained a mere allusion to that much grandeur illusion…
There was a pledge taken after 11/26... Still in it’s nascent state. Always wondering, introspecting as to define in its righteous way the ‘definition’ of righteousness. I thought, deep within, there exists a singular thread called ‘virtue’ and an equally contrasting one called ‘vice’ - all across the reigns of this Universe - That we can easily be dismissive of something along these very lines. Post 11/26 thought I had much to sermon/ambush/pity based on this ideology. But not sure where the thought process was heading a year along.
I decided to pursue my unfinished pledge after I garnered a little stability in the tumultuous ideological front; which apparently seemed post the ‘Fight Club’ renaissance! (yes m talking about the flick/the book). An outrageous, unorthodox and unusually abstract journey - into the very fundamentals of our ‘intelligent’ self. The phenomenon made me discover the synonymous travails within all of us, and this helped me draw an engrossing line covering the subject matter.
So what really is the subject matter? Terrorism? Not quite... The things that have intrigued me from my childhood days include: a practically ’past portraying’ star studded night’s sky, extra terrestrial life forms, astronomy in its most cryptic terms and an utterly irrelevant celebration I was laid witness to in the early nineties. It was, courtesy the WC victory to Pakistan, 92, coming out of my neighboring Muslim suburbs. To the astonishment beyond my very limited wisdom then, the early tenets of ‘righteousness’ prompted me to explore the intricacies of it. I kept wondering why a section of people should celebrate a nation with whom we’ve fought three wars. Shouldn’t we all be bragging with innate revulsions? ‘The project mayhem’ had set off…!!! The saffron ideology started to make sense and at one point even its association seemed a contemplation. With time there were more unruly celebrations and subsequent acknowledgements towards Babri like demolitions became a norm. However with growing senses and with the upsurge of ‘liberal’, ‘moderate’ exposure, there developed a contrasting creed. The all knowing secular brigade, ‘we the people’, the documentaries made their way in. I started to convince myself into a big bang theory of all communal disharmonies – a theory where the religion preaching lots across the terrains are crucified. It’s an easy job after all... blame on and everything fits so perfectly – be it the ‘definition’ or be it the purpose of our living hood…
“How much can we know about ourselves if we’ve never been in a fight?”
The surreal extravaganza within, now tended to juxtapose every single piece bound thus far. Began my sabbatical, an endless hiatus… Now the rationale seems absurdly irrational. The morals, ethics, virtues and vices – all a dreaded conundrum. Theory of communalism, terrorism: subject of sheer irrelevance. Endless 11/26 like massacres: handiwork of misleading minds or just reverberations of a justified prejudice? A temple movement: plain political/religious gimmick or genuine legacy undone? Choosing good from bad: what’s that?
I see indeed a Babar destroying a revered Hindu temple years ago and I endorse the upheaval in order to reinstate it; I see indeed the indifferences meted out to Muslims and hence the avocations of jihad and I endorse this way of avenging the barbaric colonialism; I see indeed the just facets of religious, cultural and social alienation and I endorse all those insurgencies; I see indeed the urge of a ‘Final Solution’ kind spontaneous homicides for the ‘traitors’ and I endorse Modi whole heartedly; “I feel like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species; let me breathe smoke; I feel like destroying something beautiful!”
Mayhem prevails… the fight is beyond just the ‘club’… we are trying pathetically to bind the pieces still… well let’s do that. Nobody preaches the gospel… well what is a gospel at the first place? “But that’s us, we could be wrong… May be it’s a terrible tragedy.”
This is how the life has taken its course ever since a much perceived “achievement” held sway dated 2 years back - The only significant of its sorts in an utterly insignificant escapade spanning 3 decades…. The clichés dismissed as clichés kept coming back to haunt every rare time the mirror’s encountered. The fervour of writing/blogging remained a mere allusion to that much grandeur illusion…
There was a pledge taken after 11/26... Still in it’s nascent state. Always wondering, introspecting as to define in its righteous way the ‘definition’ of righteousness. I thought, deep within, there exists a singular thread called ‘virtue’ and an equally contrasting one called ‘vice’ - all across the reigns of this Universe - That we can easily be dismissive of something along these very lines. Post 11/26 thought I had much to sermon/ambush/pity based on this ideology. But not sure where the thought process was heading a year along.
I decided to pursue my unfinished pledge after I garnered a little stability in the tumultuous ideological front; which apparently seemed post the ‘Fight Club’ renaissance! (yes m talking about the flick/the book). An outrageous, unorthodox and unusually abstract journey - into the very fundamentals of our ‘intelligent’ self. The phenomenon made me discover the synonymous travails within all of us, and this helped me draw an engrossing line covering the subject matter.
So what really is the subject matter? Terrorism? Not quite... The things that have intrigued me from my childhood days include: a practically ’past portraying’ star studded night’s sky, extra terrestrial life forms, astronomy in its most cryptic terms and an utterly irrelevant celebration I was laid witness to in the early nineties. It was, courtesy the WC victory to Pakistan, 92, coming out of my neighboring Muslim suburbs. To the astonishment beyond my very limited wisdom then, the early tenets of ‘righteousness’ prompted me to explore the intricacies of it. I kept wondering why a section of people should celebrate a nation with whom we’ve fought three wars. Shouldn’t we all be bragging with innate revulsions? ‘The project mayhem’ had set off…!!! The saffron ideology started to make sense and at one point even its association seemed a contemplation. With time there were more unruly celebrations and subsequent acknowledgements towards Babri like demolitions became a norm. However with growing senses and with the upsurge of ‘liberal’, ‘moderate’ exposure, there developed a contrasting creed. The all knowing secular brigade, ‘we the people’, the documentaries made their way in. I started to convince myself into a big bang theory of all communal disharmonies – a theory where the religion preaching lots across the terrains are crucified. It’s an easy job after all... blame on and everything fits so perfectly – be it the ‘definition’ or be it the purpose of our living hood…
“How much can we know about ourselves if we’ve never been in a fight?”
The surreal extravaganza within, now tended to juxtapose every single piece bound thus far. Began my sabbatical, an endless hiatus… Now the rationale seems absurdly irrational. The morals, ethics, virtues and vices – all a dreaded conundrum. Theory of communalism, terrorism: subject of sheer irrelevance. Endless 11/26 like massacres: handiwork of misleading minds or just reverberations of a justified prejudice? A temple movement: plain political/religious gimmick or genuine legacy undone? Choosing good from bad: what’s that?
I see indeed a Babar destroying a revered Hindu temple years ago and I endorse the upheaval in order to reinstate it; I see indeed the indifferences meted out to Muslims and hence the avocations of jihad and I endorse this way of avenging the barbaric colonialism; I see indeed the just facets of religious, cultural and social alienation and I endorse all those insurgencies; I see indeed the urge of a ‘Final Solution’ kind spontaneous homicides for the ‘traitors’ and I endorse Modi whole heartedly; “I feel like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species; let me breathe smoke; I feel like destroying something beautiful!”
Mayhem prevails… the fight is beyond just the ‘club’… we are trying pathetically to bind the pieces still… well let’s do that. Nobody preaches the gospel… well what is a gospel at the first place? “But that’s us, we could be wrong… May be it’s a terrible tragedy.”
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